Please tell us about a time where you misunderstood a message due to misreading some aspect of body language (gestures, posture, facial expression, tone of voice, space, or touch).
I still remember the time when my English teacher asked to see me after the class , and when I went to her office , she told me, “Maryam, you are one of my best students in the class but keeping your hand fold all the time has different meaning to me??" . At that time, I was stunned by what she said, and I tried to tell her that was a habit derived from my culture which is considered listening and respecting. I apologized to her for inconvenient feeling and misunderstanding and since that time, I am paying attention to my posture, gesture and the body language how it will interpreted in others culture.
If I were that teacher, I would have paid attention not only to your folded arms, but also to your facial expression. If you had had a smile on your face--a sincere smile, not a sarcastic smile--then I wouldn't have found your arms rude. But if your arms were folded AND you had a look on your face that said "this class is a waste of my time," then I would have been offended and perhaps said something to you.
Like I wrote in Blog Writing #10. Chinese people always say something opposite indicated "yes" and waiting other people's second asking. but in America, people prefer to say directly what they are thinking. If they feel don't like something, they will may make disagreeable face; if they feel like something, they will may make happy face. this is totally different in China.
when that American girl asked me again about eating. I said YES. and she would gave me her food, and I found this is OK, nobody say anything about me.
now, i have already changed my style. yes is yes, no is no.
I love this one. As an American who values directness (say what you mean and mean what you say in most situations, but not all), I sometimes have trouble with my students whose cultures teach them not to be direct because being direct can be considered rude. That's like the Japanese colleague in the body language lecture who didn't want to say the word "no" because he thought that was rude, so he said "maybe." However, as an American, we wouldn't know that.
However, Americans are not direct or totally honest in EVERY situation. For example, I won't speak my mind if it will embarrass or insult somebody. There are other situations too.
Maeva, this is like the girlfriend in "Sex, Lies, and Conversation" who thinks her boyfriend isn't listening to her when he covers his eyes and lays down because that's not how she listens to her friends. Of course he actually is listening to her; that's how he listens best as he explained.
Look at all of the misunderstandings (and hurtful feelings) that can occur when we mis-infer information based on what we think is correct, but actually isn't.
Just as Tannen ended that article, what we really need more of in the world is cross-cultural understanding. Even in our own homes :D
I'm glad that your story ended with understanding, not resentment.
I still remember the time when I was in China with my father for business. However, the story started after we finished a meeting, someone waved to me in a strange way and I interpreted that as he meant "come here". So, I went to see what he wanted, but he told me I just meant goodbye. Actually, I was impressed by the sign he made by his hand. After that, I realized that I have to pay more attention to the body language in any culture I might be in.
For me mostly is the tone of voice becuse sometime in the american culture i heard some different tones that makes me confused .because after i respond to them they look at me weirdl.Now I start be more carefully about the way anyone talks because each culture has its own ways.
In fact, I can not only understand most of the body language of other people who come from other countries but also avoid misunderstanding because there are many foreigners live in and nearby my neighborhood. So, the thing I am talking about is I heard from one of my friends. He studies in Japan and works for 7-11 as a part-time job. One day, there was a customer bought something. He was out of mind and showed "nine" in gesture, so he flexed his forefinger. But he didn't know this gesture in Japan means "stealing". Then, the customer looked a little worried and left quickly.
i really want to talk but i definitely don't remeber any body language which cause misunderstood.i used to focus verbal language.i will comment if i get anyone.
First I want to explain how to present six by using fingers in China. It is that only thumb and pinkie are taken out and rest of fingers are held. Once I talked to an American guy, I said "There are six people(I forget what is next)and presented six by my fingers to the guy. Then he asked me "two". I realized right away the guy might misunderstand my body language. And I think it is totally different when we count number by our fingers between America and China.
Hi, I realy tryed to find one but I could not find, may be becuase almost the only place I go to is the LCC and most of the people in the LCC the teachers and the students aware about the difference of other language so even if our body language has different meaning usually they relize that because we came from different culture it may has different meaning. But I most problem that almost every semster I face is shecking hand with men.
I am sorry Holly, I am sure that there were some moments when I misunderstood a message, but I can't remember!
ReplyDeleteKexin
DeleteI still remember the time when my English teacher asked to see me after the class , and when I went to her office , she told me, “Maryam, you are one of my best students in the class but keeping your hand fold all the time has different meaning to me??" . At that time, I was stunned by what she said, and I tried to tell her that was a habit derived from my culture which is considered listening and respecting. I apologized to her for inconvenient feeling and misunderstanding and since that time, I am paying attention to my posture, gesture and the body language how it will interpreted in others culture.
ReplyDeleteYour writing is very nice and clear. Wonderful.
DeleteIf I were that teacher, I would have paid attention not only to your folded arms, but also to your facial expression. If you had had a smile on your face--a sincere smile, not a sarcastic smile--then I wouldn't have found your arms rude. But if your arms were folded AND you had a look on your face that said "this class is a waste of my time," then I would have been offended and perhaps said something to you.
Sounds like a typical culture bump!
Like I wrote in Blog Writing #10. Chinese people always say something opposite indicated "yes" and waiting other people's second asking. but in America, people prefer to say directly what they are thinking. If they feel don't like something, they will may make disagreeable face; if they feel like something, they will may make happy face. this is totally different in China.
ReplyDeletewhen that American girl asked me again about eating. I said YES. and she would gave me her food, and I found this is OK, nobody say anything about me.
now, i have already changed my style. yes is yes, no is no.
I love this one. As an American who values directness (say what you mean and mean what you say in most situations, but not all), I sometimes have trouble with my students whose cultures teach them not to be direct because being direct can be considered rude. That's like the Japanese colleague in the body language lecture who didn't want to say the word "no" because he thought that was rude, so he said "maybe." However, as an American, we wouldn't know that.
DeleteHowever, Americans are not direct or totally honest in EVERY situation. For example, I won't speak my mind if it will embarrass or insult somebody. There are other situations too.
When i arrived in the United States, i found something strange on the way American people were behaving towards me. Whenever i was in a public place like in the bus or maybe in the elevator,people never stayed next to me..They were always avoiding me.The most amazing thing is that they were always smiling with me so i thought they were hypocrite..Because of their attitude,the cliché that i had from American people is that they did not like African black people..It is later that i understood that American are very sensitive to space and touch..I learned that they did not want to border me and that it was very respectful and appropriate to do it.
ReplyDeleteMaeva, this is like the girlfriend in "Sex, Lies, and Conversation" who thinks her boyfriend isn't listening to her when he covers his eyes and lays down because that's not how she listens to her friends. Of course he actually is listening to her; that's how he listens best as he explained.
DeleteLook at all of the misunderstandings (and hurtful feelings) that can occur when we mis-infer information based on what we think is correct, but actually isn't.
Just as Tannen ended that article, what we really need more of in the world is cross-cultural understanding. Even in our own homes :D
I'm glad that your story ended with understanding, not resentment.
I still remember the time when I was in China with my father for business. However, the story started after we finished a meeting, someone waved to me in a strange way and I interpreted that as he meant "come here". So, I went to see what he wanted, but he told me I just meant goodbye. Actually, I was impressed by the sign he made by his hand. After that, I realized that I have to pay more attention to the body language in any culture I might be in.
ReplyDeleteYou'll have to show us the gesture in class.
DeleteFor me mostly is the tone of voice becuse sometime in the american culture i heard some different tones that makes me confused .because after i respond to them they look at me weirdl.Now I start be more carefully about the way anyone talks because each culture has its own ways.
ReplyDeleteIn fact, I can not only understand most of the body language of other people who come from other countries but also avoid misunderstanding because there are many foreigners live in and nearby my neighborhood. So, the thing I am talking about is I heard from one of my friends. He studies in Japan and works for 7-11 as a part-time job. One day, there was a customer bought something. He was out of mind and showed "nine" in gesture, so he flexed his forefinger. But he didn't know this gesture in Japan means "stealing". Then, the customer looked a little worried and left quickly.
ReplyDeletei really want to talk but i definitely don't remeber any body language which cause misunderstood.i used to focus verbal language.i will comment if i get anyone.
ReplyDeleteFirst I want to explain how to present six by using fingers in China.
ReplyDeleteIt is that only thumb and pinkie are taken out and rest of fingers are held. Once I talked to an American guy, I said "There are six people(I forget what is next)and presented six by my fingers to the guy. Then he asked me "two". I realized right away the guy might misunderstand my body language. And I think it is totally different when we count number by our fingers between America and China.
Hi, I realy tryed to find one but I could not find, may be becuase almost the only place I go to is the LCC and most of the people in the LCC the teachers and the students aware about the difference of other language so even if our body language has different meaning usually they relize that because we came from different culture it may has different meaning. But I most problem that almost every semster I face is shecking hand with men.
ReplyDelete